i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
