if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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