On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
