i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up under a house in Key West
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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