She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
