google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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