Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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