You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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