So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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