is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize