Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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