guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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