Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
