I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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