I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need to calm my uterus...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
