Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
