The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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