All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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