dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
