Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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