drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
