He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
