what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
