you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
