Jerry, you need to find god
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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