i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
