So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
