Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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