Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
