Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
