you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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