There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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