meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize