shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
