hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
