I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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