ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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