i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
