Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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