how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Too much gin, very little bucket
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
