Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize