We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A bitchslap is in order.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
