I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
