his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
