Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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