We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
