I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh god it's open bar.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
