Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
