hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A bitchslap is in order.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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