im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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