im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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