I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
