It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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