you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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