My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
