Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
