Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
