eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
