i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
