Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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