before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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