Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sext me about skeletons
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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