Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
