Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
