bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
