So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
