My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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