I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
