Pappa wants mamma naked
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
