how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The uberlube is also flammable
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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