i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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