i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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