So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
