I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
