isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
