Swine flu. Run for my life!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
