So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
