Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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