I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
