I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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