I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
