garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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